So I felt like writing tonight. Of all the posts I have sitting in my queue to finish up, I decided I wanted to ramble on about friends today. I don’t know if others have the same issues I do, but I find I am growing weary of this cat and mouse game of trying to find, make and keep friends. It is so hard these days to find friends. It seems like it would be easy to make friends. Lo and behold, it’s not so easy.
I’m only 32 these days and I find that most of the people that I try to be friends with have families and it is difficult to tear them away long enough to build a friendship. Either that or I am finding people that are single and doing their own thing. Either way, most people already have their own friends already and the effort isn’t there, nor the desire, to build a new friendship with me.
So what is a person like me supposed to do? I do not care if it is a guy or a girl so long as it is a good friendship that can be built upon and maintained. I find a friendship that has gone unattended is not a friendship at all. It is a husk of a friendship to be filled at the leisure of those who are leaving it unattended. Maintained only by those to see it as necessary at the time. That becomes ‘friends of convenience’ and I wonder how many friendships really are just that, either one way or the other or both. I suppose if it were both ways it would work for some, as both friends neither care nor maintain and only use each other when necessary to their own satisfaction. Great if that works for them. It does not, however, work for me.
Problem is, I have tasted of good friendship. I know what it feels like and know that it is attainable. It is not always elusive…only to me. I know what makes a good friend, and I know what it takes to be a good friend. So how then do we break the barriers that are ours and make new friends as they should be? Real friendships maintained by both parties and built upon to become true friendships over time.
Ah yes, I did forget to mention the barriers didn’t I. We all have our own barriers. Ones we put in place, either mentally or indirectly through our choices. For instance, I am a bit of a home-body. I work, I go home, I relax, I go to bed, and I repeat the next day. Not much else fits in my life except volleyball one night a week. The weekends are often reserved for family time or cleaning the house or, believe it or not, alone time. Mentally I say to myself, ‘I can’t find any friends in this routine.’ I say, ‘I don’t have time for so many extra-curricular activities that might net me some friends.’ They are half truths really. We make what time we want. Time is a constant thing and we can fit in as much as we desire to fit in. I have attempted to net some new friends playing volleyball one night a week. It has not worked out so well. I play volleyball with great people, but I do not consider them friends. More acquaintances that I have a common interest with. I do not hang out with them, drink beers with them, sit and chat with them, etc. We meet once a week to play volleyball and that is that. We go our separate ways as soon as it ends. I would love to find someone that had the same interest that I could hang out with afterwards or in addition to.
Unfortunately, I ask these questions time and again and still have no answers. Is this my lot in life, to be without friends, without that camaraderie, without someone to turn to in times of need, without someone to walk beside me through life when all else is gone?
Tags: friends, friendship, life questions
